MESSY BYTCH

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

10:01 PM

Just cos i have to cheer myself up before i go for training later, you're in for a treat.

There is a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Some of these are excellent ...
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?
A: Gucci sweatshirt and Reeboks.

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: By whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they'll have something to spend over there."

They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a cheque for $300.

Women, indeed, can be smarter than men, whether they use it intentionally, or not!

Here's the story.

Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife
looks over at him and asks the question.
WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”
HUSBAND: “Definitely not!”
WIFE: “Why not? Don’t you like being married?”
HUSBAND: “Of course I do.”
WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”
HUSBAND: “Okay, okay, I’d get married again.”
WIFE: “You would?” (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: “Would you live in our house?”
HUSBAND: “Sure. It’s a great house .”
WIFE: “Would you sleep with her in our bed?”
HUSBAND: “Where else would we sleep?”
WIFE: “Would you let her drive my car?”
HUSBAND: “Probably. It is almost new.”
WIFE: “Would you replace my pictures with hers?”
HUSBAND: “That would seem like the proper thing to do.”
WIFE: “Would you give her my jewelry?”
HUSBAND: “No…… I’m sure she’d want her own.”
WIFE: “Would you take her golfing with you?”
HUSBAND: “Yes. Those are always good times..”
WIFE: “Would she use my clubs?”
HUSBAND: “No. She’s left-handed.”
WIFE: – silence -
HUSBAND: “. . . .. . ######.”

Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other one "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't believe?

Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng over and said "Ah Beng, here is a 10 dollar note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes." to which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! right away!" and rushed off to the showroom.

The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid." The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." and he called his driver, Ali. "Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home." to which Ali said, "Yes Sir, right away Sir." and ran home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."

Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to Ali, "Eh, you know my boss is sooo stupid. He gave me 10 dollars and ask me to go to the car showroom and buy him a Mercedes..... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday lah, the showroom is closed!"

Ali replied, "You think he is stupid ah? My boss lagi worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home.... He got hand phone what, can just call up to check lah!!!!"

A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?" "Well, yes, I actually did once." "And how did your husband look?" "Angry, very angry."

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further.

Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?"

"He was looking through the window at us!"

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most.

"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the jerk dig. I had him buried upside down."

have a pleasant dayyyyyy...

Labels: ue

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

7:04 PM

just cos i've been told to update!

just something that got me thinking, isn't it weird when someone in your family tells your SO
"soon we'll be family"
F-A-M-I-L-Y
This huuugeeee word. Geez.
Means like spending so much time in their house you can practically stay there kinda shizz.
Like hell no, such a huge word.
I prefer "friend of the family" sounds nicer.
Okay, sorry for the boring and monotone post, pardon me cos my life is just that NOT EXCITING.
Lisa Jewell - Friend of the family <3!!

Okay since my life is so uninteresting, i will try to make it sound abit more exciting...
......
Ohyes, Pastor Prince has a new book, Unmerited Favour i thinkkkk. So those of you who wanna buy it, wait till feb! When i get mine on 15th dec (: Okay, by the time my mum reads it finish i think it'll be feb alr -.- geez. imagine how many trees we'll be killing by printing this book! :O okay, but it doesn't matter cos God is the creator of all things, he created the trees too, yo!

My life is wayyyy too boring.
Even training is boring...
today we had some gross set like 12x300 on 4min
Like what the.
Everyone's like just "ooooh 4 mins so easy. *sings songs while swimming* ooh still got time to rest"
I'm like "omg, my arms better not fail me now *grunts* pulls... oh, only 5 sec to rest. Oh, 11 more..."
I want to do dryland every single day!!! ):

And i'm so lonely i got no one to talk to, except type away on this COMPAQ keyboard... Joan!! Hope you're enjoying your cruiseeee. Why don't i get to go on holiday to cool places!!! Life sucks ttm.

Okay if you're falling asleep on your keyboard due to my insipid post. I think this might ressurect you.

http://seaofshoes.typepad.com/

thats what an interesting life is.

I'm going to sleep.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

1:34 AM

Shared this with the cool guys in school yesterday. Ooooh, looks to delicate and cute to eat it know haha. Too sweet for my palate, but i still had it anyway.
Yesterday was super fun, even lessons were okayish yknw, i thought i would die and bang my head on the table, haha, even i survived for chem and bio (:

OMG, BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD FROM PRAVEENA!

After futile attempts of trying to resurrect her comp, or even tryna start it.

Praveena : Can somebody give me a hand at this, its not turning itself on!

Cos the class was rather quiet, i heard me and serlin laughing only, okay fine.
If you don't get it, nvm.

I finished chem tys mcq and i'm so happy now.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

6:35 PM

So effing pissed with all the teachers in the world okay.
Except for Praveena and the humans and language teachers.
The rest are just gross ttm.

Whats with all this 'no time to teach you' shit
wtf i go to school for a fucking reason okay and you just brush me off say got no time.Wlao friday i can don't go school, i can freaking say i got no time also what. Tell me stay back after school take test etc i can't fking tell you i got no time what.
Really getting on my nervers, only whe the 'smarter one' ask for help then they got so called time.
Seriously, go dunk your head in orange bowl you shitass teachers. I don't even know why you're getting a salary okays.

ARGH. i'm like officailly gna ignore all the super gross teachers. I'm not even gna ask for help in math anymore cos i fking can't be bothered. At least i have 4 hours tuition a week, i can d o more in that 4 hours than 10 hours in your lesson, please!

Give me a reason to like school when you have fking gross teachers that are the shittest ppl on this earth.

Monday, September 21, 2009

6:06 PM

I finally changed my blogskin oh and yes.
I dknw why serlins heart is in white while the others are in maroon and i'm to lazy to change it etc. Just in case some ppl think i have a secret fantasy with her, i'm telling you no i don't. I don't want some ppl jumping to conclusions.

So moving on with life i've been moocking around and not doing much is you'd count training then maybe yes anyway i'm very busy and a busy girl has gotta go, so bye.

XOXO

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

2:54 AM

fking giving up on bio. sat in the family lounge for almost 7hours straight with my bio text and 8days etc. omg, i almost cried like right there. i think if i'd stayed for another min i would've jumped into the fish pond alr. so fking annoyed and i know tmr's paper not gna be easy. judging chem paper, its so damn obvious.

and like our sch is ever gna give us easy papers, i think i'll fucking die from shock if i find tmr's paper easy.

so i'm just gna chill out spend some time with my wendy holden book and rest.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

10:39 PM

Back from HK after a much needed break!

Not like i got alot of resting there, what with all the shopping and stuff haha.

I didn't even have afternoon nap but i could still survive.

So no surprise i spent half the day sleeping ytd haha.

Like 1hr eating fruits, 2hr for lunch, 2hr at the salon,

3hr sleeping and i wanted to go training, trust me, i wanted to,

but i didn't of course. So i just vegetated at home till 7, watch tv then sleep.

Haha, i can't believe tmr's my fave subject and i'm like not doing

anything about it. Gosh, i just hate chem to the max!

So i need to get some studying done, esp for bio and hist.

And i need to go for training soon, with almost 9 days of not swimming alr,

i guess thats why i don't wna go now yknw.

Cos i know i'll be faced with an insurmountable shit set like 30x100/12x300/10x400

and the best part is that i can barely make 50sec for 50m haha.

So thats what's stopping me. Don't get me wrong, like this part of me WANTS to go, but thats whats holding me back, cos i'm a pussy just like that.

Pushed back 2 training sessions alr, so maybe tmr i may go with my bro (it just sounds better when you go with someone) haha. But no like the set's gna change haha.

But still contemplating cos i have to be at the top of my game tmr and rise to the occasion and face the damn chem paper which i totally dread yknw.

Yes, about my exploits in HK...

Okay, basically just bought alot of clothes etc etc.

Alot of shoes

Alot of nail polish

Alot of earrings

I guess thats all. Like earrings are the best, i probably have like 30 of them and i still want more haha. But happy with what i got.

Most happy with the Juicy Couture necklace i bought haha

and lets see the Maurizio Taiuti leather clutch that i bought haha.

I guess thats all.

Like many more great stuff, but yknw my books await me, sadly.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

5:04 AM

i am damn fucking irritated ttm thanks to chem ):<
so annoyed okay like i can't sleep in peace cos got that freakin qns at the FRONT of my mind argh if only i had a chem brain!

moving on
i'm so lovin ellen show now haha aft watching it at serlin the guppys house ytd haha. i used to watch it everyday, haha. fagpact kinda worked ytd but today so didn't. ohgosh, pls don't tell me we gotta... yknw omg no way okays.
freakin not in a mood to blog today so i gna tweet now haha.

Friday, August 28, 2009

3:44 PM

upwords just got a whole new meaning

past 3 days were just mad, so much laughing so little studying omg i don't even feel like prelims are here yknw like just gallivanting ard amk thomson laughing till me abs almost died and all haha.
thank god for the pact if not we'll all srsly die for prelims or Os haha.
i need to get serlin to send me the upwords picture haha!

i'm gna vegetate now bye.

Friday, July 17, 2009

4:30 AM

I'm a very take it or leave it person.
I guess thats what makes me a lousy friend.
I mean if you wanna give it to me. I'm like
okay, great. If you don't, then yeah okay wtv.

In any case, pls don't wait.
I've never felt any happier.

Thanks Krys Vanessa Zk and Christy!
Although that FATKRYS has H1N1 now,
hope she doesn't die. Haha. Yknw it just not
the same without 1 person, i guess thats how
important you guys are to me.
At least y'all know i won't treat y'all like rubbish and be
like - oh you're so last century, bye etc shit.
Krys! Hurry get back so we can go soup spoon okay!
Zk and Christy ): too bad you guys can't come ):

Its like mad studying now and all,
but i guess i'm happy where i am yknw. Like
for once i know what i wna do, and i really wna do it well
(1st bio test not counted) instead of blowing
it off and saying stuff like - wtv, its not impt etc.
Yeah, i almost killed myself today when i went
for training. I guess it okay to train occsionally
not like 8 times a week, thats like wayyy too much in
a way. Haha.

Argh, krys! Hurry come back to life, if not
zk and i will die with fat v.
and tmr its only me stuck with her! ):
haha.
Its friends and every sunday thats keeping
me alive <3

Monday, June 15, 2009

5:25 AM

Life sucks to the max.
Yeah like, whats new.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

10:15 PM

Not thinking abt whats gna happen in like few more months.
THE INEVITABLE O LEVELS!
So i'm drowning myself in dvds etc. PiLiMIT is so addictive and nice!
But it scares the shit outta me though i know that there are no ghosts and all, even humans scare me. So i didn't watch today cos got no one at home.
But trust me! I'll hop on the wagon soon again! (:

Lu Ting Wei who acts as 187 is so funny!
Ohgosh.
I need to obsess over him with edith, like now!
):

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

7:04 AM

OMG. I DON'T KNOW HOT TO EXPRESS IT IN WORDS!!!
I think i'm gonna faint.
Too many colors, too little nails!
I'm so going mad over OPI nail colors. Ohgosh.
I was looking at ALL the colors and taking note of which ones i like. After a while i saw i had like 20 over, AND I WAS ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH THE 1ST PAGE!!!!
Ohkillme.
The colors are so so so nice.
Like THIS OMG ILOVEIT.
My wishwishwish is to get all the whole entire collection! (:

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

4:17 AM

Day 1 for revising for O's start today.
SO I WON'T BE BLOGGING ANYMORE SINCE I'VE DECIDED TO LIMIT MYSELF TO ONLY 5 HOURS OF PER WEEK. SO I'LL BE HANGING OUT ON FACEBOOK ETC.
(kinda impossible cos i'm watching fighting spiders later...)

6MORE DAYS TO CHINESE! :O

Friday, May 22, 2009

6:11 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL GOH! <3
love you to the max, and for being so mean! :D

Yesterday was super great. Although i had to miss Jubilate ): and go for training. So totally wtf okay, and edith didn't go! At least Brandon and Gerald were there, and Gerald is super annoying. The set killed me cos it was horrible. Haha. Went out to celebrate Rachel Goh's birthday! :D dinner was pathetic. haha and meagan was being a prick as usual. HAHA.
Went to take neoprints after that! (: meagan was super retarded okay, you should see her shots, they're all so mutated and weird and all. i'm still like bending over with laughter till now. and i got to buy my cookies, so i'm happy!

Yknow i;m so glad i don't have MidYears, if not i'll be like emoing over my results and stuff. Haha. So i seriously have to stop dozing off in class, or staring at the teacher. I need Christy to pinch me as hard as i do to her! Haha.
Okayokay. I;m going to watch tv now!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

3:45 AM

In a globalising and modernising world like this, everyone seems to be losing respect for themselves and for others; its time to reevaluate.

I'm so glad bio is over! (:

Christy dear, its okay! I know you'll do well anyway.

Just stop thinking of me during the test! :D

I so hope i can manage a pass yknow.

Last test i got like B4, but this test got no essay question.

And regurgitating facts is what i do best, but i can't seem to get a single page of SS into my head now! So annoying and angry! I need to start soon, cos i have like freaking 70 pages for 1 day to learn cos tmr got bible study at night and before that got training and school and tuition, i'm so gonna die.

Okayokay! I need to go study now (:

xxxxxx

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

4:09 AM

You can't have your cake and eat it too

I'm so lovin gossip girl and monster-in-law cracks me up and i'm rofl now.
I have to move on to step up and maybe revisit my favorites like Cinderella Story etc.

I think i screwed chem tset today, but i guess i tried my best i even attempted the mole question, nvm that my ans was gross ttm, at least i tried. Usually i would've been like "oh mole! Bye, next question! Hi" this kinda shit, but i did it today.
My favorite game now is so BINGO!

Training ytd was so funny.
Yknow i'm still cringing over what Cheryl said, haha. She has this weird imagination that blows my mind and i'm like still "okayyyyy..." haha. I can't get over it.
And i'm still trying to digest what Bertrand told me cos its too, i should say, content heavy. Haha. But i guess he's happy so i'm like whatever. Anyway, thanks for making me feel better ( i think) though you scared me until i wanted to scold you. Haha.
Omg, love y'all ttm!!!

Studying chem with christy and vanessa was fun but so lame.
Now, i have to do bio and study hard cos i can't break my passing streak (:
But first i shall go blog hopping! (:
And shopping! ((((:

XX love y'all!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

4:22 AM

Life's too hectic; we need a day off

There's no school tomorrow, i am so happy.

So hopefully more people will go training tomorrow. Haha.

Yknow i stupidly thought that there would be no training tomorrow afternoon. Since like, last weds.

And i was planning to do fabullous things all dy long ( READ: STUDY!)

Then my mum was like 'WHO SAY DON'T HAVE!!!!'

Ohwell, nice way to burst my bubble and make me sad ):

At least there's no school! &church today was so funny and awesome.

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY TO ALL THE GREAT MOTHERS (including my mad and crazy mother)